They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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