If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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