she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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