Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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