I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
