12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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