i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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