One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
