At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
