I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I CAN MOONWALK!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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