i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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