kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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