Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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