I feel like abortions should bother me more
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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