Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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