Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
