I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Farmville is her only friend.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
