it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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