everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
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Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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