Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
