So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
