I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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