I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
