Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I understand Curling. That high.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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