Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
