I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
