when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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