i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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