They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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