speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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