Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
