My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
