On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
