So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your cock deserves a montage
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
