dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have post one night stand depression
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