hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i think my cat just said my name.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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