im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
