Sober January is a disaster.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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