just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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