apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
