Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
