I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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