he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
