using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
false alarm, still single
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
