God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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