he was CRYING into my vagina
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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