CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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