Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
