I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
