I just cut my nipple shaving
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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