I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
