Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize