Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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