Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
