well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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