She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
