you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
