You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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