just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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