Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
