i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
