If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
