It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
