i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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