She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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