so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
