i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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