you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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