Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
