I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
