he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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