Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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