I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
